Close your eyes and imagine a conflict from your high school years. Rebuild the visual details from the moment. Hear the words that others were saying. Rerun the thoughts from inside your head at the time. Relive those moments. Relive them again. Now, open your eyes and think about what you just did.
Were you an adult going over a memory, or were you still that teenager thinking with the point of view of a teenager? Can you ever really look back on something with an objective eye?
Over the weekend, my dad read and replied to the post I put up in July regarding my feelings over our shared past (or lack thereof). He’s drug my mom into it, again. All of that has triggered strange few days of thoughts in my head.
The long, long reply from my dad reads like so many of the arguments that we had fifteen years ago. You could take the text and the tone from two days ago and align them in so many ways with the arguments and letters from half my lifetime ago.
Which makes me wonder:
Are these arguments really the same?
Am I stuck viewing all of this through the lens of a 15-year-old?
Is he stuck viewing this through the lens of fifteen years ago?
Are we both stuck viewing all of this through the lens of that time?
Part of me wants to just jump back into the bickering and try to set the record straight with anyone that I can get my hands on, but that wouldn’t do any good. But then I re-read it all and think about it, and it really does just seem like the same old crap. Then I wonder, “What’s the point?” Is it too far gone?
The thoughts are still confusing. They’re incomplete. I don’t really know how (or if) I want to respond. For now, my musings here are all I can think of to do.